Through the Looking Glass

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For an overly analytical drudge like me, last night was — as the kids say — truly lit, as in, out of fucking control. I might even go back to Facebook and stay there, just to post about it.

Last night was as close to one of my dreams as I’m ever gonna get. You know, where anything can and does happen, and people aren’t hung up on what’s proper, because … feel over matter.

I did what I never do: I went on a date with a girlfriend in a purely non-lesbian way, and let the shit fly. We planned our date around this new Will Smith movie called, “Collateral Beauty.”

Personally, I found the movie a bizarre let-down — even as I sat there willing myself to cry over literally anything I saw, prompted by the sad, sweeping music and those earnest, six-figure faces. I must’ve been the only person in the theater not crying, sniffling, or dabbing my eyes. Fuck, even Sarah was crying, and she never cries around me.

None of the movie mattered anyway, because Sarah and I forgot who we were supposed to be and for the most part, just let our freak flag fly the entire evening.

Amazingly, we stepped into Alice in Wonderland, just two more characters in this wonderfully absurd play.

Our server at NYP engaged us like a fairy princess, offering copious amounts of this indescribable elderflower mojito. I even danced in the middle of the crowded bar and grill, for no other reason than I wanted to.

A movie theater clerk asked us if we were “two regular people” out of the blue, like it was nothing. Even she couldn’t believe what she said as we choked back gales of laughter — all three of us.

This cop planted at the entrance stopped us, pointed out the long line and, noting our tickets to “Collateral Beauty,” quipped, “See that long line? You two won’t need to stand in it.” I mock-glared while Sarah put her hands on him and shoved. As we walked to the concession stand, she muttered, “I just shoved a cop!”

Jeremy served us an upgrade on our popcorn and drink. At least, I think he did, because we were so far into our mojitos & stuff that he literally forgot to get us our order. He whipped out a box of Red Vines, smiling sheepishly during our trio standup routine over misplacing the theater receipts to collect on the upgrade, or whether we even need a receipt since I had the theater benefit card. After we finally paid, Sarah said, “Wait, shouldn’t we get the popcorn and Coke?” Jeremy was as shocked as we were.

Is this what happiness and friendship feel like? Because I want more of it.

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