Fall from Grace

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one day it won’t matter

counting the times I stood still, and the earth revolved around me, the distant memories seem birthed from a million stars in the minds of a million strangers, they crawl out of the crevices like big, fat cockroaches that used to fly into my mouth, on the lip of my Campbell’s Alphabet Soup

I’ve told you many times a million, the weight of this body keeps me from reaching you. These words that used to anchor me, at a loss, or tumbling over after I’ve bumped into a buffet table of grand riches trying to find the exit. They’re useless against the mortal depths — bills and charges, checks and balances, the Tupperware after a Thanksgiving potluck, your Niacin and Prozac, your broken family

you look at me, love, and cannot push past these outward grievances, the imperfections guarding my wanton beauty: my black lips, the rusty hair before, these slanted eyes, the careless creases of a woman who gave up long ago

and now I watch you slowly disappear, the hidden figure you once were when she cast such a long shadow

we can only resort to the small talk of polite society, where it’s safe, where you don’t have to address me from your knees, head bent, cry damn you, scream at the sun, tell me I’m right tell me I’m wrong say something let me know I was here I was here I was here

I was here

 

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